Be independent of the good opinion of others

If you actually listen to all of the chatter in your brain, you would find an alarming amount of your thoughts are related to what others think of you. Someone gives you a glance or look and your mind begins racing to figure out what they must be thinking. Too often, you associate negative thoughts to these moments.

In all actuality, most the time, you don’t have any idea what someone else is actually thinking about you. You make it up in your mind and attribute it to them. I had a saying growing up, “if you are going to make up shit, makeup shit you like.” How different would you live your life if you assumed most of the thoughts others have about you were positive?

Until someone actually tells you their thoughts, you are only guessing. And while you might think someone is judging you, often they are just noticing you. If you trip as you’re walking, some people may notice and giggle. Some people may think you are clumsy while others may think you are adjusting to a new pair of shoes. Their thoughts are just that, theirs.

They rarely are judging you. They may just notice you. Minutes or even hours later, they have probably forgotten. If someone does judge you, they are only using their filter that they’ve been taught growing up. That doesn’t mean their filter is superior or their thought of you is any more important. It just means they have a filter and they are applying it to you or the situation.

What a stranger thinks about you is actually none of your business. People are free to have any thought they would like, and you are free to not care.

Don’t get me wrong, I care what my wife, my daughters, some of my family and even some friends think about me. But a stranger, I honestly do not care.

As Stephen Covey says, “be independent of the good opinion of others.” I learned this quote a decade ago and it has served me well. I don’t need to judge anyone else’s thoughts of me. I just need to assume the best, focus on what I think of myself and go about my life making people happy, taking care of my health and my family and having fun. I wish the same for you and know that whatever you choose, I will not judge you J

Attitude of Gratitude

Sometime others can say it better than I can. I found this article and feel like it captures many of my perspectives for living a grateful life. 

From the Huffington Post, By Dr. Randy Kamen, Contributor, Psychologist. Educator. Author

Gratitude is our emotion that relates to our ability to feel and express thankfulness and appreciation. Traditionally, the study of this emotion has been relegated to the fields of theology and philosophy. In 2007, Robert Emmons began researching gratitude through a psychological lens. He found that expressing gratitude improves mental, physical and relational well-being. Being grateful also impacts the overall experience of happiness, and these effects tend to be long-lasting.

Benefits of Gratitude

·       Improved physical, emotional, and social well-being

·       Greater optimism and happiness,

·       Improved feelings of connection in times of loss or crises

·       Increased self-esteem

·       Heightened energy levels

·       Strengthened heart, immune system, and decreased blood pressure

·       Improved emotional and academic intelligence

·       Expanded capacity for forgiveness

·       Decreased stress, anxiety, depression, and headaches

·       Improved self-care and greater likelihood to exercise

·       Heightened spirituality -- ability to see something bigger than ourselves

Cultivating Gratitude

The most common method for cultivating gratitude is by keeping a "gratitude journal" and recording experiences for which one is grateful. The idea is to write about at least three positive experiences on a daily basis. Examples include taking notice of something in nature, an object of beauty, a pleasant conversation with a friend, a good cup of coffee or helping someone with a problem.

Recording these positive experiences boosts levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness and energy, especially when compared to those who recorded or focused on negative events. Our days rarely go according to plan or without unexpected challenges. Some of us can naturally appreciate the sweet moments as they happen throughout the day, while many of us need to cultivate this sense of appreciation.

Research shows that recording experiences for which one is grateful for only two consecutive weeks has lasting positive effects sustained for up to six months. It therefore behooves us to keep a gratitude journal. In fact, the American Greetings Company recently launched a project in which they encourage people to build their gratitude quotient by simply building a ThankList for those aspects of life that bring us joy.

It just takes 10 second or less

It is amazing how little time it takes to be kind, to make someone’s day or just increase the level of happiness in the world. I started to note some of these moments and wanted to share them with you.

It takes less than 10 seconds…

…To allow someone ahead of you in line at the store or while driving 

…To hold the door open for someone

…To pay the toll for someone behind you

…To leave a generous tip for terrific service

…To smile at a homeless person and acknowledge their humanity

It takes less than 10 seconds…

…To share a sincere complement with a stranger

…To send a text to someone you care about and let them know why

…To thank a street cleaner or sanitation worker for working so hard

…To ask a sincere question and really listen to the answer

…To pick up a piece of trash or two when you see a trash can in sight

It takes less than 10 seconds…

…To buy an extra sandwich and give it to a nearby hungry person

…To buy the book of a friend who just published it

…To send an article to a friend, client or contact that would help them personally or professionally

…To call someone and tell them you appreciate them (might be more than 10 seconds)

…To write a meaningful social media post offering birthday wishes, congratulations or condolences

10 seconds…that is all it takes to make someone’s day.

Seek laughter

Laughter creates endorphins and endorphins are good for your soul. Laughter can have similar effects to drugs such as morphine, which are responsible for feelings of euphoria.

Here are a few things I do to create more laughter in my life.

Look for circumstances where laughter is an option. I like to attend comedy shows, watch entertaining shows on YouTube or on TV, watch comedy specials on Amazon Prime or Netflix.

Best of fall, seek out funny people. People who can make you laugh are extremely valuable. When attending parties, if you encounter someone who has a great sense of humor, follow up with them and connect with them on social media. Look for opportunities to cross paths again. Not in a stalker sort of way but something natural. Maybe reconnect through the person who hosted the party.

Study comedy. Some people are naturally funny. I took an improv class. We played a lot of improv games that taught me to think faster and combine things that alone, were not as funny but when combined, made people chuckle. Learn a few good jokes. I suck at that, but I have friends who are good at remembering jokes and great at telling them.

Be willing to laugh. I was tightly wound as a kid and much of my early adult years. It was not until after college that I was more open to laughing and more willing to find the humor in situations. I even became a little self-deprecating which help me take myself less seriously.

Make laughing a priority. It is good for your mind and great for your soul.

Happiness feeds the soul. It tickles your senses and makes things better. While challenges will always arise, how we frame those challenges will determine the energy they create.

Captain Happy is the nickname of my highest self. Born after I became a burner, it is my favorite state of mind. When I introduce myself as Captain Happy, people smile, which is exactly what Captain Happy would want. More people smiling.

Helping people smile, sharing a laugh and just offering a perspective that may lighten a load for a day or even longer. I have been blessed by many mentors who inspire me to hone my sense of humor. From my wife, Frank, to my daughter's Jazzie and Savvy to friends and family.

For decades, I have studied happiness and laughter. This blog is dedicated to sharing what I have learned and what others share to increase happiness in their lives. Enjoy.